Your one-liner guide to the 2016 Candidates

political-collage-cropped-800x445

 

As a service to our readers, who are overwhelmed with the sheer number of candidates, we wanted to provide a culling guide.  Here is one sentence that defines each candidate’s major message:

Donald Trump: Mexicans, and Megyn Kelly, have ruined this country.

Hillary Clinton: Men, my husband excepted, have ruined this country, and I have bigger cojones than all of them.

Bernie Sanders: Give me seven loaves and seven fishes and I can feed the world, as long as we limit the amount of Deodorant, which, along with the Koch brothers,  have ruined the country.

Ted Cruz: Obama has ruined this country.

Ben Carson: Obamacare has ruined this country.

John Kasich: Obamacare didn’t ruin the country, wolverines did.

Bobby Jindal: Government has ruined this country, except in the case of Common Core and policing the world.

Lindsey Graham: Muslims have ruined this country, we need to bomb them all, now.

Marco Rubio: Dehydration ruined my anti-Obama rant.

Jeb Bush: My brother and father did not ruin this country.

Rand Paul: People who didn’t listen to my father (except when he is wrong), have ruined this country.

Rick Santorum: Gays have ruined this country.

Mike Huckabee: Pro-choice people and anti-Israel people have conspired to ruin this country, and God asked me to fix it.

Martin O’Malley:  Since you don’t know who I am, I can’t ruin this country, as far as you know.

Scott Walker: Unions have ruined this country.

Chris Christie: Pot smoking terrorists have ruined this country, and I will bridge the insulin gap.

Carla Fiorina: Compaq did not ruin HP.

vote_for_nobody

facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *